Giving to yourself
posted in Uncategorized |In recent weeks my whole life has been turned around by a nasty illness. Due to damage caused to my inner ear I have been unable to do many of the things I took for granted - such as going to the supermarket, carrying babies up and down stairs at work, and even more fundamentally taking an evening walk without having T close by in case I lost my balance or became suddenly dizzy. I am now coming to the end of this period in my life, as my brain has learnt to compensate for this damage in most daily situations, however it has been a terrifying time in which I have wondered how this was going to affect me longterm. And yet, for all the fear and sickness it caused, I wouldn’t change a thing because I have learnt an incredible lesson of self-love through it.
You see, I used to run around, trying to be the best I can be in all situations - at work, with friends, for family, online… I would tire myself out and cut out sleep so desperately needed because some part of me felt that I had to do and be everything for as many people and in as many situations as possible. I found it hard to just stop and be - something I had no choice but to do once the illness struck. Whereas before I would be taking the time I had to spend in bed reading a book, learning a new skill, writing for my blogs, or planning a new way to help the world, this time all I could do was lie there and think. And think I did. Soon, thinking turned into meditating and meditating turned into self-reflection.
Within this self-reflection I realised I was so busy giving out to the entire world that I was neglecting the first person any one of us should look after - myself. Nobody can change the world without first changing themselves and the phrase “charity begins at home” really begins to make sense when we remember that to heal another we must first heal ourselves. When we forget to do this our bodies and lives throw up all sorts of obstacles to show us how out of balance we are. I had long manifested illnesses as a way to get out of the pressures and responsibilites of life. I had even recognised this pattern within my own life, but was unable to change it because I couldn’t change how I felt about myself. My self-worth lay entirely upon how much I did for others and whether they’d be able to say “Amanda truly made a difference in her lifetime”.
But you know what? The biggest difference I can possibly make is to be happy and healthy myself. I can live as an example in a world full of people struggling to get through the day where the only way to heal them is not to offer to help but to show them another way. Ultimately the only way I learnt this was to become so ill I couldn’t function anymore. Thankfully, this time, I think I got the message.
And so I would like to send a loving message out to my readers today to remember to take some time to give to yourself. Give yourself time, give yourself love, give yourself everything you would wish for your nearest and dearest - do not neglect the most important person in your life - YOU! If you can look after yourself and show compassion to your own being you can do anything - because in a world where we are constantly asked to achieve this and achieve that the hardest thing to do is often to say “No”.
Have a wonderful weekend and take care of yourselves
Amanda xx
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